We've been taken out.

We've had a shit of a week, its been horrible. Last week Seb upped the attitude anti and turned into a child of satan. Then he told me he had sore ears and it all clicked into place. The poor kid had a middle ear infection.

Over the weekend, hormones took a hold of me and sent the rest of my family running, that followed by gastro for me sunday night and Daisy all day monday i was starting to see the light at the end of my tunnel dissappear. Tuesday i was still nauseas but thought id humor my husband and have a fun outting at the beach. Then we lost his wedding ring. It is seriously such a horrid feeling loosing something that holds so much sentimental value.

Today i woke with a hopeful feeling that soon faded, it took about 10 goes to get out of the house and then when we were finally at our first stop in the shopping center J realised he didnt feel so flash. Next gastro victim has been taken down.

Im still waiting to see if Seb was the carrier or if he will be the lucky last victim. Please let it be the former

Feeling refreshed

A few posts ago i wrote about taking a break from the land of the internet, mostly instagram. If you follow me on there, you will see i am back, for 2 solid weeks, i did not browse my feed or take one photo with the intent to put it on the app.

I felt refreshed, i woke up and grabbed a coffee and my book instead of my phone. I payed more attention to real life and hanging out with my babies. It really was exactly what i needed at that time. I was done feeling unworthy, alone in a room full of people, like i had something to prove.

Slowly I have come back to the reality that instagram is not real life. I know, its so obvious right? But sometimes when its all around you it becomes an alternate universe, one i dont really want to be part of. I love that i can scroll through and see over a years worth of memories and that is something i will always be thankful for.

Im back online and have a completely different outlook, ive developed thicker skin and am using it only when i have absolutely nothing to do, or basically, when i feel like it.

Its my party i can do what i want.

A walker

My girls walking! She beat Seb by about 2 weeks, i gots me some lazy bums! I fully thought because she crawled at 6 months she would be walking by one, she totally took her time though and in hindsight im glad.

Dais is my clingy baby, they both wanted to be carried all the time but Seb was way happier to play on his own then little miss ever would.

Ive been wishing for her to walk so she could gather some independence and boy has she got it. I love how proud of herself she gets when she makes it further and further down the hall, i love that she can keep up with Seb and that he wants to play with her now.

I know walking begins the hectic times because running comes soon after but for now im basking in the glory of this huge milestone.

24, a year for..

On Sunday i turned another year older.

Twenty four will be for change.
It will be for looking after myself before others.

It will be for growing tougher skin, i wear my heart on my sleeve which is a blessing but a curse, i will finally learn when to voice my opinion or keep my thoughts to myself.

It will be for new adventures, it will be for soul searching.

It will be for health and for fun.

Now that no more babies are on the cards we can move forward, before and after Seb, we were planning, always planning, it takes 9 long months to grow a baby, 9 months where i dont feel like myself, 9 months that i always felt like i hit pause on our lives. Now we can make plans for our family, or complete family.
No more pausing, just moving forward, growing and changing, not only me but the four of us.

It will be a good year.

Taking a break.

Ive removed instagram off my phone. Its an addiction, a bad one. When its good its really good but when its bad its shit. I hate that im starting to measure my worth as a friend, a parent and a home maker by how many likes i get. i hate that i feel like i have to prove something by taking photos.

Dont get me wrong i love documenting my achievments as a parent etc but i dont need to justify just how good everything is by how much my phone lights up. Im not deleting my account for three reasons. 1 is that i like looking back at certain times that i dont want to forget, 2 being i do love seeing others pictures and 3 is that im certain ill be back. For right now its a see you later, i need to kick a bad habbit and clear my mind.

And besides, i dont document on this space enough so im hoping that my absence from insta will be good for the blog.

Seb 3.5

I'm never allowed to take photo's of him anymore so when he obliges, im straight onto it.

He's always saying "when im big and strong(er)" and I'm crying inside wanting him to stay this age forever.

My soulmate, there was nothing before him.

Give me summer.

This whole winter, we've been sick, mostly the kids, they've had a permanent cough and dripping nose. Aftet coming home from New Zealand to much warmer weather i thought things were looking up, until i woke up two days later with the flu that nightmares are made of.

Then i spread it to every direct member of my family and its still lingering. Seb has been a mess, not sleeping, barely eating and the whinging, oh lord i wish this flu temporarily made me deaf or maybe made him lose his voice. Wishful thinking. I know he's feeling crap but i dont think that should excuse his ass hole behaviour.

Im so ready for summer its not even funny, i need constant warmth and outdoor activities ei: the beach, i need to keep the kids outdoors soaking up the vitamin D and stop them from destroying my house.

We tried the park yesterday but the noses were flowing and Seb's legs apparently weren't working, it wasn't much fun but we got some cute pictures.

Now that she's one.

My Daisy girl hit the one year mark only a week ago and im noticing the toddler coming out of her more every day.

Im treasuring the tiniest moments with her because i have a feeling the hugs and baby snuggle times will be few and far between. We're working on weaning because that girl has some serious boob addiction and i feel that its now or never.

Shes a fierce girl, independent but so reliant at the same time. It makes me sad to think shes my last, the last baby ill carry in my arms, the last to do so many firsts. The last to figure out. Then i look at my boy, and im still figuring him out, he changes like the seasons but not like the weather, he changes slower now hes older but the changes are significant.

I guess there will always be new firsts and lasts with both of these kids and i need to look forward but hold the past close. Ill always remember the tiny breaths and fingers and hugs, ill just look toward the bigger breaths and fingers and hugs.

Bitten off more then i can chew (do?)

These four days are crazy town busy, i planned way too much without thinking how stressful it would be.

This morning Daisy had a cake smash shoot with an amazing photographer Janelle. It was incredible and beautiful and i just cant even!

In a few hours, J and i are heading to brisbane for a night out while my mum watches the babies. This is my first full night away from Daisy and my first night away from Seb in almost a year. Im excited/nervous/can't wait to be free. Hahaha just kidding but seriously its going to be great.

Tomorrow, Sayler (our puppy) starts puppy pre school, i need to set up Daisy's party and celebrate another amazing friends day of birth (hope youre reading  this Telsh) then sunday morning its party day and fathers day! So we get to celebrate Daisy and J all in one plus see so many family members and treasured friends. Its definitely party week up in here.

We then fly out to New Zealand first thing Monday morning and by first thing, i mean we have to leave the house at 3:30am. Too many things to get done but i have every confidence we can make it out alive.

Daisy; planning her first birthday

Last night I cried, I posted a picture on instagram stating that my baby was 1 in a few short weeks only to realize its more like 9 days. Time is flying by dver so fast.

These kids birthday parties are ever so hectic so I cut down on the guest list to immediate friends and our close family, I feel so rude to have done this but 40+ people at a birthday party is a tad extreme. We leave for New Zealand 3:30 the next morning so the less post party cleaning we have to do, the better.

We're doing a little garden party, weather permitting, with finger food, cupcakes and small pastel decorations. Hopefully intimate and sweet, just like Daisy.

We bought her a few small gifts, my mums gone overboard and I know my friends are happy to finally shop for a girl!  I know Dais wont know (or care) so much but this is a huge thing for me, as her mum. Her birth is a day I will always remember and I feel her first birthday is almost as big of a milestone, we did it, we survived the first crazy exciting sleep depriving year.

Life gets easier

This last weekend, I took Seb {and Dais} to underwater world, along with my SIL and neice. It was a disgustingly wet and rainy weekend so the rest of the Sunshine coast had the same idea, to avoid the rain and let the kids have some fun. It was so packed it was a joke but we ventured on.

I took Seb a year ago while I was about 36 weeks pregnant with Daisy. It was chaotic and he wasnt very well behaved. I vowed then to never take him again.

Looking back he was probably way to young to have much interest in a bunch of fish swimming in tanks but what a difference a year can make! This year he loved it. He new a lot of the fish, he got to pat a starfish and watched the seals swim and play.

This age is challenging in different ways then two was and im sure every different year will bring a new set of difficulties but im enjoying him so much right now. Sure, sometimes I wish he'd be quiet for five seconds or stop asking for food when he wouldn't eat what ive put in front of him but these are miniscule annoyances in the grand scheme of his behaviour right now.

Sew cool

Ive been sewing so much lately, ive been doing enormous amounts of headbands and bibs with some blankets on the side and I would just like to say im excited. Im excited that im selling these, im excited that they're soo cute and im excited that im actually getting pretty good at this.

Its been hard trying to find the balance between the kids, husband and now puppy (did I mention that!?) But im doing it and its good. I love that ive found something creative to do that makes me feel like im not just mum. Plus Dais gets super cute handmade gifts :)

If youre interested head over to the facebook page and say hi!

Seb.

My funny man, my crazy sweet boy. Hes really growing up and you can see it, and feel it in every way.

His expressions crack me up, his voices and his whole persona. That kid, I'm just so glad his mine.

I'm not a regular mum, I'm a cool mum

Says every mum everywhere. 

We've been so busy and unintentionally so. We've had friends from near and far, come and go, we've had about 8 birthdays to celebrate, we've been booking holidays, sewing and running errands. I've been on go mode since Wednesday last week and it's been exhausting but it's been great. 

Today I have visitors and errands, a baby shower and one of my best friends birthdays at a bar. This is where the cool mum part pops up. I've literally been out with my girlfriends every night of the weekend for the past few weeks. We've had birthdays and girls nights and spontaneous adventures. I feel like I'm eighteen again and it's been amazing for my soul. I'm definitely mum first and always will be, I'll still be getting up at 6am even though I got home at 2 and I'll do it with a smile because I'm refreshed, I had some adult conversation and some wine and I'm a better mum for it.

I always get the mum guilts, I'm sure every parent does but after a nice little conversation with my own mother, I'm learning to let that go. I'll always be mum but sometimes it's really nice to just be Ivy.

Just a boring old update

I've totally been MIA again, I've been trying to keep super busy because this FIFO wife gig is a toughy. You'd think after 2 years id be used to J leaving every other week but apparently I'm not. I still have tough times but if I keep busy and get outdoors with the kids, then we all are a lot happier. When J is home we're too busy doing the family things that I forget to blog. We've been doing a lot but not much worth documenting for the world to see.

The babies are big and blowing me away more everyday. Dais is the craziest little thing, I adore her and the new cheeky tricks that she's learning. Seb is still my man and my bestie, he makes me laugh more then anyone.

I'm realizing lately, how much I can actually get done if I just do it, I know it sounds really obvious but sometimes I just don't want to take the kids to the park or vacuum or do the groceries etc, but with trying to keep my mind occupied while solo parenting I've found I really can do it all and im a much better person for it. We've been walking nearly every day, Seb rides and Dais hitches a ride in the ergo, they both sleep better and I feel better for that. We're doing good right now, keepin on keeping on.

projects

So I started sewing, I've been trolling pinterest and etsy for months, looking at headbands for dais, for cute leggings and blankets, at pretty much everything because pinterest is a vampire, a time vampire, it sucks the hours from my day without me even noticing.

I wanted to buy everything, then I realized I could probably save my money and do it myself, so that's what I did.

Daisy now has too many headbands and ill have to rotate her blankys daily.
So now I'm going to sell this stuff, I'm going to be like every other diy mama of there, but hopefully better and sell these things I created with my hands.

An awesome friend of mine is into it too, so we started an etsy shop, ageofdreams, and an instagram which has sneak peaks and what not, @ageofdreams.

This is super awkward for me, I hate putting myself out there to be judged (weird for a blogger?) I just thought if I never try ill never know.

 

Seb

I know three can be hard my boy, its hard for me too.
You think you're big enough to make your own rules, to not take a day nap, to eat chocolate instead of fruit, to make your own bedtime and watch too much tv.

Feel free to do some of these things but I need you to listen, I tell you what to do to keep you safe, to keep you healthy and happy, and to keep you my baby just a little bit longer.

Believe me when I tell you that being a grown up isn't all is cracked up to be, I wish someone tied my shoes, cooked me dinner and tucked me in to bed every night. There will be plenty of time for you to be big, I guarantee that when you are all grown you'll wish I was there to tell you off, to cook you vegetables and kiss you goodnight.

We'll get through these tough times together. Ill always be there to hold your hand no matter how big you get or how much of a big boy you think you are, to me you'll always be my baby.

Daisy / / 9 months

Daisy girl turned nine months on the ninth, we were in Bali hence the late post.

I know I'm going to say what every parent feels about their child, but gosh she's amazing. She's my snuggley, happy, cheeky little girl. My heart swells every time I look at her, she's amazing.

Her favourite spot is in my arms or in the ergo, she's pretty much attached to me somehow 90% of the time. I don't mind one bit. 

She has one tiny front bottom tooth which popped out nine months to the day, she's crawling when she's not feeling lazy but she's pulling herself up on everything. She took two dives off the furniture today but it hasn't seemed to deter her, I love her spirit. 

She's sleeping all night and taking two naps in the day. Dais is a little piggy and will eat absolutely everything. She has weetbix with Seb in the morning, yoghurt and fruit, fruit muesli bars and what ever we have for dinner plus breast feeds whenever she pleases.

I love watching this girl grow, everyday her sweet little personality shines through more and more, she's pretty great.

We're home!

So we survived! Two kids in Bali, a breeze guys.

We totally had our moments but we have just as many moments at home.

I'm feeling like the shittest blogger ever, I got in two posts while on holidays? I blame the fact that we only had wifi in our hotel lobby.

So what happened you ask? There was a lot of fun and excitement, there were tantrums and long naps, there was sickness and there was a lot of relaxing. I do regret only getting 3 massages while away but I'm not really complaining. We shopped so much but entirely not enough, we went to water bomb park which was incredible and brought back all the childhood feels.

By day 10 I was so ready to come home, I missed my bed and my house, my friends and routine but by the second last day I was over it and now that we're home it feels like we never left, except I've noticed that my kids have changed, Seb's a tween (toddler-teen) and Daisy has doubled In length and strength. She popped a tooth and aged a year. She's climbing my furniture like a tiny ninja and I need to buy her new clothes, the crib level has also been lowered so she can't take a dive off the side.

Seb got a cold in the last days of Bali and ended up with a chest infection that we're now dealing with, J is back at work so I'm trying to find my groove with the two littles again.

Deane's do it bali style

Wednesday was one of our friends 30th birthdays, part of the reason we're in bali, and it was the first day I actually felt like we were on holidays. we hung out at our hotels pool and drank cocktails from the swim up bar. The kids played, the babies slept and the adults relaxed, it was pretty much the best thing ever. Thursday we spent the day at a house about 30 minutes from where we're staying, right on the beach. It's been the best thing, coming to a foreign country with people who are friends with locals. The house belongs to a local man and b it was magnificent and the view was spectacular. Too bad my dear husband was too hungover to enjoy the day with me but he totally learned his lesson. I went and got my first balinese massage Thursday night and oh my lord so good, she was the tiniest lady with hands of steel, I was so sore Friday but it was so worth it. We've been using the scooters here, something I said I would never do but actually being here and experiencing the roads and the people, the way it all works is really not as bad as it seems, obviously being cautious is a must but we're all safe and going on the bikes is the highlight of sebs day. We've been having some major meltdowns from Seb since being here, I think it's a mixture of being overwhelmed and tired, its been embarrassing at times especially having to pick him up and carry him screaming from the pool and then the restaurant. Guess that's the joys of traveling with kids!

Deane's Vs Bali

Yesterday we made the journey, all four of my family members, the six hour plan trip, to Bali. Yes we survived.
We had to wake up at 3:30 am to leave the house by 4 am to make it to the airport in time for check in etc.
Everything went so smoothly, im still shocked. I was prepared for chaos and am so glad we had smooth sailing.
Seb had one little meltdown half way through the flight, because he 'wasn't tired' yet fell asleep five seconds later and slept for two hours. Right kid.
Daisy was her dreamy self, ate played and slept.

I was prepared for a culture shock after getting off the plane but seriously it wasnt that bad, it's a different yet beautiful place filled with the kindest people.

We had dinner and a cocktail, while Seb played then we watched the sunset on the beach. Pretty perfect if you ask me.

The time difference is only two hours but it has screwed the kids up. They were awake at 7:30 am our time which is 5:30 am here in Bali. So we went with it, had breakfast followed by a trip into Kuta for some haggling, so fun! The people here are kind and funny and obsessed with the kids, Daisy has been held by more people today then she ever has in her whole life.

It's 6pm now and my Dais is out cold while J and Seb are still down at the beach. Daisy needed a bit of dinner/bath/bed structure and I'm happy to have some down time before it's crazy town again.

Numbers

F O U R - Daisy has slept through the last four nights! Hoorah! I thought her waking once a night was amazing, this is just a whole new level of awesome.

T H R E E - There is three sleeps until J is home, three is also the number of weeks we get to spend as a family. I don't even think we had that long together when Daisy was born.

T W O - The amount of hands I have (duh) sometimes I wish I had an extra set though, I'm getting braver with taking the kids out on my own which can be an interesting experience. All I want to say is, thank god for baby carriers! I am in love with the ergo 360, I've had it under a week but it has changed my life. I can have both hands free to do what I need and Dais could pretty much hang out on my chest all day.

O N E - In one week we will be in Bali! I'm pretty excited/nervous. So much can and probably will go wrong but I can't wait for the stories and memories we are going to get out of this trip.

Daisy at 8 months.

Little Daisy lady is 8 months old. I pretty much thought she was just over 7 until my sister in law corrected me. I know time flies but this is new level.

She's still the tiniest little doll, wearing 3-6 month clothes but I've seriously gotten so much wear out of everything unlike with Seb, he was a total porker.

Shes still dragging herself around the house not crawling on all fours yet but she's determined to pull herself up on things, it's madness.

We still have zero teeth but are growing lots more hair. She babbles like crazy and honestly, she's the happiest baby I know.

She's eating 3 solid meals plus snacks and breastfeeding about 4-5 times a day. She's sleeping 9 or 10 solid hours at night, wakes in the early hours for a quick feed and goes straight back to sleep. She's turned into such an angel, I don't know what I'd do without my girl.

Still

We're still having a tough time over here but it's getting better. Seb is still being an argumentative butt head but it's easing. I'm finding it worse in the afternoons, maybe it's the transition to no day sleep? I'm not sure but that kid should be a lawyer when he grows up.

Even though it's been tough for me, I know it's just as tough for him. I don't remember being 3 but I remember what it was like being told what you can and can't do, how frustrating it must be for my tiny boy to not understand that I say no to things because I love him.

"You cannot have that biscuit instead of dinner because I love you and want you to be healthy"
"You cannot only wear a singlet to school because I love you and want you to be warm"
"You have to wear your hat because I love you and I don't want you to get burnt"
"You have to go to bed now because I love you and we'll all be happier with some sleep"

There's plenty of other things I say no to because I'm the adult and we have rules to help shape seb into the amazing respectful boy that we know he can be.
He may turn into super brat sometimes but hes still the sweetest funniest boy I know.

3 is..

Im about to spill my guts right now, sorry in advance.

3 is tough, its also super magical and hilarious but tough.
Seb has wore me thin today, thats probably the understatement of the year because holy god, that guy.

His listening ears are turned off 99% of the time. He drives a good bargain but if it doesnt work in his favor,  they'll be trouble.
He is so strong willed which will be a blessing but at the moment, for me, its a curse. He fights me about breakfast cereals, then he fights me on where he wants to eat. It carries on to what clothes he wants to wear to what music we listen to in the car. It continues all day, whatever he wants,  he'll try and get.

Im all for compromise but arent I the adult? Tonight was fucked to put it bluntly. He wanted biscuits when I was literally serving dinner, he didnt get them. He was told to sit and eat, he didnt. He started smooshing food under his feet..I was done. He got sent to bed and he threw an epic fit screaming for dinner. I let him try again but low and behold he wouldnt eat.

Screaming in the hallway

Screaming in the bedroom

He awoke a sleeping dais.

I was livid. That was it, we were both done. I love that kid but im glad im not looking at his face for the next 10 hours.

I feel like im failing him as a parent, I want him happy but I cannot give in to his every request. I want to be calm, I want him calm. I want it to be smooth sailing instead of constantly rough seas but smooth seas don't make skilled sailors. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Last post on sleep (maybe.)

So it's no secret that Daisy has been a shit sleeper. I feel like it's consumed my life, I think I talk about it a lot and I think about it even more but we are doing good. Great actually. We've had our shit weeks and we had an awful 3 months before we took action and bought in a sleep consultant. She's an incredible lady and I now consider her a friend. She pretty much saved my sanity.

So now my little miss is sleeping 10 hours straight from 6pm until 4 am wakes for a quick feed and goes straight back down until 7. This is most nights, she can still be off sometimes but that's completely fine with me, the good outweigh the bad and that's a-okay! 

I'm feeling so much better which reflects on the rest of my people, I can be a better parent and a better wife. J isn't receiving horrid messages in the middle of the night while he's away and he isn't being kicked in the middle of the night to get up while he's home. 

People judged, people told me it was normal for her to wake as many times as she was but it definitely was not normal. I'm so glad I found the support and help we needed.

Easter

I stressed about this week, hard. J was working and my mum went to Sydney. My two main peeps weren't going to be in my city and I'm all about family for the holidays.

It was touch and go with James's sister coming up so I was bummed. Holidays mean family and I was freaking it was only going to be me and my two babies.

Surprisingly enough, I've had a pretty awesome 4 day weekend filled with family and friends.

Friday morning I woke up to realise Daisy had slept through the night! It was a sign. We had friends over Friday morning and then went to J's parents for a seafood dinner, delish!

Saturday my sister and one of our best childhood friends came up. We had a fish and chip lunch, they took Seb swimming and we played in the park, it was simple but we had so many laughs and the kids love being out. Saturday night, I set up sebs Easter hunt through the house, complete with bunny footprints, I felt like a child again and I'm so thankful I get to live the magic again through my kids.

When both babes woke up Sunday, I yelled out to Seb that the Easter bunny had been, he went running, finding eggs and pondering the footprints, they were dusty apparently. He shoved so many chocalates in his little gob, I knew drama was coming. He didn't have more after I said so but the damage was done. The meltdown came and it was a doozy, he ended up back in bed for half an hour to calm his farm. He was soo well behaved for the rest of the day so I guess if we only had one shitty hour I can't really complain.

After daisy's first nap we headed back over to J's parents for a BBQ lunch, my sister in law, her partner and my Neice made the trip and it was great. The kids all played, daisy stuffed her face and Seb had a second Easter egg hunt with his Papa. When our bellies were full we headed home again for daisys next sleep. I spent the afternoon with two of my long lost friends who moved away after school, it really made my Easter. It's funny how you can be so far away from people for such a long time, to be on completely different life paths but when you reunite, it feels like we're 18 again and nothing had changed.

So come today, we were all about relaxing and getting back into the swing of things, we had a doctors visit, too many loads of laundry, a park play and a nap. It was the perfect end to Easter. It would've been better if J was around but I'm definitely feeling thankful for the other people in our lives.