Tattoo

I don't think I ever blogged about my finished tattoo, it's probably because I'm an anxious freak and because when I got over the anxiety, I forgot.

My first sitting, she didn't get finished, pretty much but not 100% done. The next day it fucking hurt, like a lot. I was exhausted and a little weirded out. I had this massive blue arm and she was inky, really really inky.

I wasn't getting awesome feedback either, people were sort of just like 'ooh' and that was it. It made me self conscious, people would ask 'why' and others would just ignore it. I don't need other people's approval but this was a big thing, I needed confirmation that I had made a good choice.

When she got finished it was fine, no pain, only an hour and I was fine the next day, weird.

It took a lot of getting used to, not so much when I looked in the mirror but I was super aware of it when I was out of the house, with seb, sleeveless.
I thought people were looking at me, judging me. I look, probably, too young to have a child as it is and now I have a massive tattoo on my arm. I just assumed people that I was irresponsible and were judging me.
I cried over it more times then I'd like to admit but I'm done now. I love how it turned it, the fact that I have a tattoo does not make me a bad mother or a thug etc.

When I stopped caring what people thought and stopped assuming they were judging me I felt normal again, in my eyes people started saying hello to me in the street again, they started welcoming me into stores and talking to Seb in the stroller.

It was a massive adjustment, I didn't realize how big before I got it done. I'm glad I did though, I've grown as a person and realized I can't please everyone. Haters gonna hate.

Ergh

The flu, it kicked my butt. I'm not a sick person, I hate being sick and laying around all day, I have a short attention span and get bored easily.
I thought being sick with a toddler would be much harder but Sebby was great lots of kisses and hugs, reading and solo playing.
My mum came and stayed Saturday night to help out, she made chicken soup and kept Seb entertained. It was really great to have the company and help.
She took Seb out Sunday morning, I had no idea what to do without him, I'm nearly always with him, when I'm home, he's home, it was wired. Much appreciated and wonderful but still weird. My mum has so much fun with Seb and I know he totally does too, i love their relationship it's the sweetest thing to watch grow.

I truly love where we live and my little family.
We're all sick at the moment so I'm going to curl up on the couch and sleep while J is still home.

Just Write {vol 2}

The season is changing, it smells like warmer weather, the air is thicker and the days are longer.
I love spring, spring means spring cleaning, which means Seb's cupboard needs an update. Another season means another size of clothes.
It's inevitable that he's going to grow up, but this fast?
You know they'll get taller and age but it doesn't happen how you expect, its just like one day you notice they're a little bit taller, that shirt is a little bit tighter, they're walking and talking and you don't remember how it happened, a day ago you bought him home from hospital.

The change of weather makes me remember how fast time is moving, that it will never slow down or stop.

Fathers day

The last week J graced us with his presence fell on fathers day.
We had plans to go to Australia zoo and I was super excited. We ended up spending too much money eating out (oopps) and decided to give it a miss this time. It would've been ridiculously busy anyway and with Seb having giant naps in the middle of the day, our time would be limited, it just wasn't worth the money...yet, we will go one day soon.
The time he was home was not a loss though, this was easily the most fun we've had on his break so far.
We canoed, we rode bikes, we hiked, we spent time at the park. It was incredible, I love the warmer months.

The grass isn't always greener

I love instagram right? Right.
Everyone loves instagram, the only thing I don't love about instagram is the anxiety I feel on a Saturday/Sunday morning when I open up my feed and see pictures of nights out.

Is it because I was asleep by 8 pm Saturday night? That I was awake at 3 am tending to a crying baby? Maybe.

When I have had nights out since becoming a mother I've rarely enjoyed it. The next morning, I hate that I drank too much, spent too much money, most likely made a fool of myself and can't spend my day playing with my child because I'm hungover and tired.
I know all these things so why do I still get jealous?

I have a problem with peer pressure, it's weird and i hate it. Another example, everyone is pregnant. We have plans to have another baby in the future but not now. I have my reasons and i am sticking to them, but when finding out about all the pregnancies happening around me it makes me want another, now. Its ridiculous because i don't.

slightly conflicting right? i see people going out, i want to be them, i see people getting pregnant, i want to be them too. I need to get out of my head for a while and just keep being me and stop wanting more then i already have, life is great to why these feelings for change? I'm putting it down to the change in the weather.

Writing this makes me feel silly, it doesn't make much sense.

18 months

Happy half birthday Seabass!
I cant believe I'm actually writing this post.
When you bring your baby home from hospital you know you have them forever, that they are going to grow and change before your eyes, but do you actually believe it?
When they are totally dependant on you for survival for those first months of their life, do you actually believe that one day soon they will be independent?
That they can get the yoghurt from the fridge and tell you they're hungry?
That they respond to questions?
That they will want to climb the stairs without assistance?
I know that everyone says it but time is going by too quickly and this kid of mine is becoming a little man.
He's starting to string words together, those being; all gone, oh no, thank you, go for galk (go for a walk) and can say so many more single words.
He's becoming a snuggle bug and i love it. He's always wanting to be outdoors or playing in the car.
He can turn on the tears like its no ones business but stops just as suddenly, he knows whats up.