Today I am thankful

Nothing has changed from my post the other day, I still have the same feelings about not belonging with certain groups of people but today I am content with that.
Spending the last few days alone with my husband and child has made feel content.
It does not matter if I don't fit in with others right now because I fit here, with my family and that is the most important place for me to be.
I'll find my place in the big wide world when the time is right and for now I will just focus on the people closest to me and the friends that accept the person I am.

Decisions

I'm feeling lost.
I feel like I don't fit in with the other mother friends I have. I have to watch how I act and what I say. I should just walk around with my foot in my mouth the whole time.
But on the other side, it's hard to fit in with non parents. I can't go out any time I please, I can't stay out till all hours and just taking Seb out past 6pm is challenging. I don't feel good enough for any group of people.
It's driving me crazy, most of these thoughts are probably in my head and I'm over analyzing everything, it's turning into a downward spiral.
Do I stay home and be mum 24 hours a day 7 days a week? Do I throw all my energy into being a homemaker and loose the Ivy that I used to be? No, I don't think so. I'm finding it difficult to balance myself.
I don't really know where I'm headed with this post, I'm venting, I hope to find some comfort in this.

True

One of my best friends has been visiting from Darwin these last few days, it was her 21st birthday and Saturday night was a larger one then I expected. Drinking is not my strong suit. This is the second weekend in a row that I have gone out 'partying'. Last weekend was a hit and I paced myself enduring no hangover the following day, this weekend was not the same. Looking after a child whilst sleep deprived and feeling yuck isn't much fun and won't be happening again for a long while.
It's been awesome seeing Hayley, it feels like she never left. I think that feeling means you have a true friend. She's been gone almost a year and I feel as if I saw her last week. She's my kindred spirit, she gets me and I her. She's the funniest, kindest over sensitive girl I know and I can confidently say I would never have gotten through the beginning of my pregnancy without her, even when I couldn't leave the house due to morning sickness we would talk on the phone for hours, i will be so sad when she leaves me again!

On another note how cute is Seb's 'dork' face.

This week

bittersweet

I had the BEST weekend in a long while.
Friday night was my best friends going away dinner, which turned into dinner and drinks which then led to some dancing and more drinks. It was the best night ever, good company, silly dancing and no drama. I am extremely sad to loose my best friend though, for what she plans to be a couple of years but i support any decision she makes so here's to her living her dream! I just wish a great night out had to happen because she's leaving me.
Surprisingly enough i was in good shape Saturday so Seb and i did the drive to Brisbane to see my oldest friend for the night.
I'd never driven a long distance with seb before and i was nervous about it but he was fricken AWESOME! he needs a medal for the best behaved baby. He didn't sleep on the way as i thought he would but he did not make a peep! he had a super late nap in the evening but that meant he was able to stay up and party on for a while.
When it was bed time he went down without a fight and slept in till 7. Even him sleeping through the night at home is a struggle but he did it in an unfamiliar environment. I'm pretty in love with him.
the drive home was just as good as the drive there but he actually slept.
he's in bed already and i plan to get some reading done and hope that when i wake up in the morning, my husband will be here!
life is good :)

life with a 1 year old

It's getting tougher around these parts.
Peb is so strong willed and stubborn it's beyond a joke.
Change time is a stress every single day, as is nap time.
It seems when Papa leaves, Sebb looses the plot.
He will not sleep through the night!
He will wake up multiple times for what seems to be, no reason. I'll get him up and he'll instantly stop crying, I try to put him back in his cot and he'll cry again.
I'll put him in my bed with me and he thinks it's party time. I am exhausted!
Tips, tricks, insight, anythinggggg?

wordless wednesday

high school

i feel like deleting facebook.

sure its a great way to keep in touch but it also feels like a giant highschool playground.
whose better at what, whose saying what, whose hanging out with who.
you never see the real story behind the post and it sort of seems like an invasion of privacy and even sometimes, a giant slap in the face.
facebook isn't bad alll of the time, i do love a facebook session but as of late, i am over.it.
Why post something personal on facebook and then when people comment and ask about it, they're the ones being intrusive? boggles my mind!

writing this post is making it ever so clear to me that i really shouldn't have a facebook.

Checkup

This weekend has been full of family stuff. J will be away for the next 2 weekends, boo.
We celebrated Kyden's first bday on Sunday which was so fun. Watching all the babies playing together makes me realize how much they change in the first years of life.
Seb had his 1 year needles today, wasn't so nice. He was a champ and only cried for a minute but it was still so sad.
He's in the 75th percentile for his height and weight and 95% for his head circumference, kids got a big noggin!
Happy start of the week to you!

Things I like

My family

doing mum stuff with friends. Sebb having mates.

Taking Sebby to my old work and employing him :)

That winter is coming!

Wow

http://vimeo.com/invisible/kony2012

This is magical

Is it possible

That when a child turns 1 everything changes, they actually become a toddler over night?
i think this has happened to my sweet boy.
He's so independant!

Ok so i started writing this post a few days ago and got distracted so it just sat here and now that i have come back to it, i have changed my mind, rather, Sebb has.
Don't get me wrong, i wasn't lying. For a day or two there he wanted nothing to do with me. he was refusing to nap more the once a day and just being a big kid in general.
Yesterday morning he woke up all sooky and just not happy.
He wanted to be carried and cuddled, i dont mind doing it because it is a rarity but after a certain amount of time, i need to get things done around the house, its quite difficult to do this with a child attached to you taking up your arms.
He's gone back to 2 sleeps, which i am super pleased about. One sleep a day was just not cutting it.
I've been speculating why he's being this way, babies change all the time right? as do we...but I'm not sure if its the fact that J is working away, does he miss him? does he feel my longing for his dad?
This is the 3rd time he's been away so far and this is the worst one yet. I've been bored, and lonely. The weather has been yuck and we've been couped up inside so hopefully soon everything will pick up with the weather, Sebb's mood and mine.

This one time

My baby turned 1!