My job

Being a mother is the hardest job ever, if you didn't know that, then you crazy.

This last week and a half has been bad. We've had sleepless nights, a restless baby and a toddler who would not listen to a word I said or when he listened and didn't like the answer, he'd loose his little mind. Sleep deprivation is a funny thing, I'd cry at the drop of a hat but once I had no more tears id go on auto pilot. I'd tend to my kids with no reaction, if Seb yelled I was blank if daisy screamed, I'd rock her blankly. This seemed to work for everyone involved. Maybe they knew they'd broken mummy.

J put me to bed at lunch to sleep yesterday and holy moly what a difference an extra hour makes. I woke up, happily fed the baby, played with Seb, cleaned the kitchen made biscuits, bathed both kids and put them both to bed, easily. 

So now I'm feeling guilty, I feel that they should know better, but they don't. Daisy especially but when I'm on the edge of a cliff I'll blame anyone for the way I feel. 

So now I'm well rested, my kids are out if their funk, they're sleeping which in turn means I'm sleeping. J's at work and I've got this. It's day care day so I'm going to hang out with my littlest, hold her close and make sure she knows I love her. Tonight I'm going to read books to Seb, smother him in love and remember that even though this job is hard but also the most rewarding, wonderful job I'll ever have.

Currently

Reading: I'm reading beautiful creatures for the second time. I'm mostly just using it to fall asleep these days. As soon as I start reading and relaxing, there's no hope for me to read more then a few pages. Last year I think I read more then 15 books, I had a lot more free time then.

Doing: it's weird but we've been going to a lot of 1st birthdays! We're always up for parties and Seb is always up for cake. We've been doing a bit of swimming and just getting back into the swing of being a FIFO family again. 

Thinking about: So so much I feel like my brain is overloaded. I'm feeling a bit stuck in mummy/wife mode, I need to find something for me. I'm thinking gym?

I'm thinking about how Seb is turning 3 and how I'm going to survive the next week with J away when my children are literally trying to kill me (not really but seriously kids, chill out)

I'm thinking about Bali! We booked our first overseas holiday and I'm so excited! If anyone has traveling with kids tips sebs them my way!

Watching: the real housewives of Beverly Hills, I know tacky right? It's super addictive even though they totally give me anxiety with all their fighting. 

Feeling thankful: for my ergo! That thing is a godsend. Daisy has been pretty cranky lately, she's hating bed time, she will scream for hours which makes it difficult when it's just me and the kids because I can't be in 2 places at once. Tonight, even with J's help it was not going well. Popped daisy in the ergo and bam! She was out cold in 5 minutes.

Loving: having James home, having him here makes me love everything else about my life, the company and the help.

Life got me.

Today started off awesome, most of today was incredible.

I got to sleep until 7, I did the washing and vacuuming. I caught up with a friend, went to the park, both the kids had 3 hour sleeps.

I braved the shops on my own with the two kids for the first time and it was a breeze!

It went downhill from there. 

My gas hot water ran empty yesterday which wasn't a huge problem because my father-in-law hooked up a little tank until my new one got delivered. It arrived while I was out, checked the hot water and nothing. I opened valves, turned knobs and nothing was working. I let it sit for a while thinking it might heat up, daisy started screaming while I was cooking, she screamed for 2 fricken hours. She just wanted to be held which is normally okay but not when I'm filling up the bath with a kettle, trying to cook dinner and fiddle with a gas tank. Seb wanted to jump on the trampoline and I wanted him to be quiet so daisy could sleep. 

It was chaos. Life pretty much thought I'd reached my happiness quota for the day and decided to knock me down a peg. So now I lay in bed eating my feelings and hope tomorrow night runs smoother.

Happy new year!

I don't even know how long it's been since I've written in this little space. At the end of last year I was struggling with how much I wanted to share here. I've never been an anxious person or someone who only thinks the worst of other people but when my phone was stolen at the beginning of December, it freaked me out. My phone has my whole life in it, my children's photos, my bank details, my emails, everything. I ended up getting it back but all the circumstances surrounding it made me nervous.

I've got two babies to protect and with a husband on a FIFO roster that leaves me to be the strong mum.

In saying all of that I love this space, I love that I can look back and remember times and feelings that I had forgotten. I think I'll just be sharing a lot less personal things.

So in the last month, we had Christmas and daddy home for his holidays, we had friends stay and family around all the time. It's been awesome and my babies have been so wonderful. Daisy is 4 months young today and is the sweetest, happiest little girl. She can roll and laugh but she cuddles like a champ. Seb can make her happy like nothing I've ever seen, the way he talks to her is hilarious. 

Seb is 100% toilet trained, I don't even remember the last accident we had, I'm so proud of him. The things this boy comes out with and the songs he sings, amaze me. He really listens and watches everything going on around him, it's pretty confronting when he says things that James and I have said when we didn't think he was listening.

Christmas was so much fun with an almost 3 year old, I'm pretty excited for all the Christmases to come when both of these kids understand. 

So we're back into the normal swing of things as of this week and I can't wait for everything 2014 has to bring.